Dollar General

Dollar General. I actually despise the store. It isn’t that I don’t like dollar stores. It’s that this store seems to be the ghetto of all dollar stores. For some reason to me the floors are always sticky and they smell like feet. I even think that the deals aren’t even good. They just trick by having rounded numbers instead of the .99 or .59 etc. So instead of 3.98 for a box of cheerios you’ll pay 4. Seems better for some reason. I’m sure it has to do with simplicity for their sort of clientele. I remember discussing with someone the possibility of moving out into the middle of know where with someone who actually lived out in the same area. She said that that Dollar General would come in handy. NEVER I thought. I would rather just do without then enter that store, and what could I possibly need that they might have. When the Dollar General opened in Bertram, I wondered how long it was going to take before it started to smell or stick. How long do they last as a new store before they become what we all know as the ghetto way to spend a buck. Well that thing was sure popular. Cars were in and out all day long. It was sprawling with Bertram’s finest. It wasn’t long before I had to eat my words. Yes, that dreaded Dollar General became very convenient. I stopped in their for medicine, butter or brown sugar. Even ice cream on occasions. One day in particular I was making chicken and rice, except I was missing the rice ingredient. So on a rainy day I pulled on my sweat pants, my uggs and a big black jacket. I ran in there as fast as I possibly could, with my big black jacket and hood pulled over my head close to my eyes. It is as if I am afraid that some satellite somewhere will pick me up entering the store and broadcast it so that all can see and laugh at me. After I hopped out of my car and enter the store, which was of course busy. A young man turned around from the chip aisle. I am not totally foreign to this, remember I do have all my teeth, but I was trying to hide in my big black jacket so I was slightly surprised. Then as I browsed the plethora of rice options. (I’m kidding) The kid walked passed my aisle twice in both directions. I didn’t really think anything of it, until as I went to leave the store and drive out on the highway back to my safe haven he rolled down the window and asked for my number. As I go to flash my left hand, I realize that in the process of making meatloaf for tomorrow’s dinner (I often make two at once) I have left it on the kitchen counter. So, as I flash my empty left hand I realize that I now look like the idiot in the oversized coat and simply laugh at the turn of events and speed off in the opposite direction. Nothing really gets more redneck then going to the Dollar General to pick up chicks. J

The Scent of Goat

It is kinda ironic that I ended up in Bertram, Texas. I have to believe that God works in mysterious ways or at least has a sense of humor. I was first introduced to this rural area through my roommate in college. (Later, she introduced me to my husband, so I guess I have her to thank or at least to blame.) The first time she took me to her home I had no idea where we were going. We traveled down this two-lane country road for like what seemed like forever. There was nothing there, nothing even to look at. What I should also mention was even though the speed limit sign said 40 my driver, this native country dweller knew better. I knew at any minute a car would come around the curve and run us off the road. What I soon discovered is that there rarely were other cars on the road. I would also learn later how to navigate turns and hills to ensure this didn’t happen. Think of it has a hidden curriculum of country driving. Finally we come up on a bush. Yes a bush and she whips a left turn onto her driveway. I had to wonder how in the world did she know what bush to turn at? To my surprise we arrived at a normal house tucked away in what I thought was the middle on nowhere. The only thing that was a little concerning to me was the gun on top of the fridge. Really I wondered? Why? What happens if it like falls on top of me. I mentioned something to her. Hey there’s a gun on top of your fridge. Completely expecting her to lock it away in a safe box far away from me. She looked at me totally perplexed that I would be announcing to what was to her obvious. It was almost like ya, and… She said simply it’s funny to me that it is weird to you, yet another clash of cultures. I am terrified of guns and that really hasn’t changed. However at least I have come to expect to see them. My husband has them tucked in every nook and cranny of our house. I stumble upon them everywhere it seems like, making the bed, folding clothes, putting things away in cabinets and even vacuuming. The other day I was vacuuming and as I was coming around the curtains I heard something hit the wall and slide down to the floor. Really? Behind the Curtains! What was funny that in the fall something broke off. Hehe. I wasn’t apologetic in anyway I hate them all over the house. Maybe he’ll learn. One of my favorite stories about my first visit to this other world happened one time when I was staying with my roommate at her parent’s house. I believe her sister mentioned that we should go ‘to town’ to get ice cream. ‘To town’ I thought this might be a good thing maybe I will get to see some civilization or at least things that I recognized. I didn’t realize that ‘town’ was the main highway and ‘the store’ was the Exxon or the Shell Stations. The sisters debated which one to go to and finally deciding on the Exxon because it had better selection. Really? What do you mean better selection? We’re not debating between Hagan Daaz and Ben and Jerry’s are we? As we enter the ‘better selection’ convenience store. My roommate and I overheard someone talking in the aisle. I couldn’t help but laugh at the sound of his voice. I felt as though we were definitely in Hicksville. My roommate was laughing. As her mother came in the store she greeted the hick talking man as if it was her long lost son. She went in for a big hug. He however immediately stopped her informing her that he smelled like goat. Goat really the only place I had ever seen a goat was in a petting zoo, and I had definitely never referred to myself as smelling like one. At that remark I lost it. Literally rolling in the aisles of that huge conveniences store with more options than the shell station. Turns out the goat smelling, southern talking gentlemen was her cousin. One minute she was making fun of him, the next minute she was related. Oh the irony I thought. I have learned that out in country you either know someone anywhere you go or your related. Get me back to a target or something and some solidarity.

Welcome

Seven months ago I married a man who was almost the exact opposite of me. Although I knew by marrying him that I would enter into a whole knew world. I didn’t know that I would become pure entertainment and many times the brunt of jokes to those who I would now be living around. To explain what I mean let me begin by explaining background to this blog. I grew up a suburban girl in Southlake, Texas. Yes Southlake. You did get more suburban than that. Southlake is the home of Pat Summerall, Mark McLemore, and I am sure many other millionaires I just don’t know about. It is also home, as many of you may already know, the Carroll Dragons. Those rich white boys with bleach blonde hair who kept winning state championship after championship in football. I really believe the only reason they won was because of Carroll high’s resources and athletic facilities. I remember one hot summer the Dallas Cowboys came to barrow the Dragon’s facilities because it was too hot to train outside. Southlake Carroll should be pretty fancy with the median income being over 180,000 dollars. (Disclaimer my family did not fit in with the average, we moved to Southlake before it became SOUTHLAKE, this is what I just grew up around.) I also enjoyed many luxuries that this high-class town offered. Minutes from the big city of Ft. Worth and Dallas, we had everything. The grocery store was two miles away, along with a plethora of restaurants and shops. I never appreciated living close to things until now because this little city mouse got married and moved out to the country, and not just any rural town the unique town of Bertram, Texas. Which population is about 1400 and average income is 36,000. Big change I know. I identify with the city mouse in Aesop’s fable. He goes out to visit his cousin in the country and is surprise at what he encounters and doesn’t know. I certainly don’t know a lot about country living, but I am learning. I am learning what wet asphalt looks like and not to drive over it, the difference between a phone vibrating and a cow mooing, and the difference between the sound of a gun going off and a cabinet slamming. I know now that cows and deer make good road hazards and how to avoid them. I even know where to hide one’s keys on their locked car. I also know to my surprise that many people use the curbs of people’s houses to window shop. I invite you to come with me on this journey. As this city mouse collides with an entirely different world. Just like the fable I hope to learn and appreciate both aspects of each culture and to hold on to that city part of me. I invite you to discover with me what happens when country meets city and hopefully laugh along the way. It’s bound to be funny.